Gonorrhoea & Online Dating

I thought we might have been pushing it with our last post titled, CRABS and RIM Jobs, but it seems we may have been topped!  Bronte Capital recently highlighted a story reported by BBC alleging that Cupid PLC – an online dating company – is essentially a credit-card fishing scam.  Essentially, men are encouraged to post a free profile, before they are inundated with hot fictional women wanting to talk and to meet.  To do so, you just need to enter your credit card information.  Where do I sign up?  But it gets even better.  Bronte Capital set up a fake profile on www.girlsdateforfree.com to lure some of these fictional hotties.  How could anyone resist????

Warning: This may even be more offensive than my typical inappropriate post.

Fat, Lazy, Poor Sick Guy Wants Support:

I am a 46 year old computer programmer who is regally proportioned. I weigh 280kg (617 pounds). I used to have a decent job but I found it hard to walk around the office and I now have a much less good job and I work from home.

My mum looks after me and she feeds me my favorite food – pizza. Alas mum is also obese and in her 70s and she will not be with us much longer. I am looking someone to support me when she is gone. As my career is now uncertain (its hard to employ someone who can’t walk) I also need someone to financially support me.

You will also need to have a high resistance to strong smells. The odour around my home is unusually florid and some say it is my most unusual and defining feature.

They are wrong of course. My defining feature is my strangely coloured pink eyes. They are – if I say so – quite beautiful and very striking.

They are a symptom of my untreated and difficult to treat gonorrhoea which infects both my urinary and rectal passages.

The gonorrhoea is difficult to treat only because it would require huge doses of intramuscular antibiotics and I am scared of needles. It is one of my many psychological problems.

Finally I should note that the rectal gonorrhoea is the reason for my odour. I have a non-competent anal valve and I leak a viscous mixture of pus and faecal matter. It gets around everything – staining my beds and my clothes.

Still I am interesting to chat to. And if you want someone to love I would like you to consider me.

Apparently, this tempting profile has already lured about fifty women who want to talk and generated about 190 email responses.  Bottom line per Bronte Capital: “Either there are a bunch of hot women who want to date a morbidly obese, poor, venereal disease infected and grotesquely smelly guy with psychological problems who needs someone to replace their mum. Or Bill Dobbie (Cupid Plc’s Chairman) is misleading the investing public.” Couldn’t make this one up if I tried.  Happy Monday everyone.  Will have more to say on the C in CRABS in coming posts.